It’s YOUR power, use it!

Below is a love-letter my wife wrote to our missionaries behind bars, to encourage their shine in the darkest of environments. Note, she didn’t fault-find and hate-on current worldly authorities as so many “Christians” did during the previous U.S. presidency (thereby castrating their own power for positive change). I love my wife, thanking God for her. He deserves all the glory.

Proverbs 17:11, “Evildoers foster rebellion against God; the messenger of death will be sent against them.” People, for the sake of you being woke, I hereby inform you that America has entered a form of “the deepest darkness.” This will become more and more evident in due time UNLESS sufficient number of Christians get with God’s program / activity to save. If you understood the deepest darkness revealed to us, you’d be grasping for Light like never before.

Susan wrote:

In my seeking Him recently He did put on my heart to share with you something He just helped me with.  I don’t share for fantastic excitement, but for us to continually see through the veil that was torn into where God reveals truth & wonders & strategies to those who are HIS, whose HEARTs are LOYAL to Him!  (His Priests, His Prophets, His Kings & His Warriors)  So, together, we can bring our Father’s Heavenly Kingdom / Rule into the earth, enjoying its benefits.

With all of the recent events on the world stage, those events have tried to completely capture everyone’s attention.  It’s like a bad, bad freak show most days, hard to see any good reasoning behind most of what is going on.  Some of the issues seem to be meant to cause harm, fear, pain, panic, injury, injustice, oppression & persecution.  Whose “fruit” does that sound like? Stuff from heaven? (Uuh NO!) It’s definitely from a darker place.  My heart was so burdened one day, I had a deep burning desire in me to add my spiritual strength to the POWER & FORCE (for good) of what God (& His angel’s) were accomplishing NOW throughout the earth. I relayed this sentiment to my oldest son, with tears in my eyes, while gripping my heart/chest.  I told him my heart’s cry to the Lord this morning was, “Lord, what MORE can I do to support what You are DOING? Use me, Father, to aid & assist Your heavenly Host to bring YOUR righteousness & YOUR justice to Victory!”  I know the Lord doesn’t “need” my help, but my help (faith, worship & prayers) does serve His pleasure (the LORD & His purposes)!   A little while later I was brushing my teeth thinking about my conversation with my son…& I had a vision:  Suddenly, I saw a sword in front of me, I was holding IT in MY HANDS!  It was LARGE (about 3 inches wide x 3 feet long) & had a white LIGHT glowing from within the sword, shinning around the full edge of the blade & it was on FIRE!  Yep! A flaming, glowing sword in my hand! With the sight came the Voice of Holy Spirit saying, “YOU ARE SWINGING THIS SWORD IN THE SPIRIT EVERY TIME YOU PRAY!”  I was left with an impression to keep praying, I could perceive an impression relaying… “You ARE helping the forces of good & giving them aid! You ARE being effective!  Keep taking up the Sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God & USING it!” It revealed the importance of praying every time Holy Spirit prompts my spirit to intercede over ANY matter.  We can all take comfort to our souls to understand what our actions in the natural “look like” in the spirit; we all have the Sword of the Spirit thru faith in Jesus, the Living Word.  NOW, when I pray I can see in my minds eye the SWORD that IS IN MY HANDS, my AUTHORITY in Jesus’ name, that God has given me.  I choose to swing that spiritual flaming sword at the enemies of my God, in Jesus’ name.  Our prayers are very valuable to God & His Kingdom!  Now, more than ever we are to be LASER SHARP FOCUSED ON THE HEART OF GOD in our prayers!  There is an attack that we can see with our eyes happening in the world around us, we have a responsibility to not be sleeping on the side lines but be in the spiritual battle beside Jesus on the battlefield!  No joke, its time to do what we have been prepared for.  We have more POWER flowing through our prayers than any force we can see with our natural eyes.  Remember Jesus telling the wind & waves to be still & it OBEYED HIM.  We are to speak to the things of this world and the heavenly realms (Eph. 3:10), relaying the Heart & Will of God in our prayers about them.  I know you know these things. 😊 I’m just stirred up, I guess. LOL!  Its REVIVAL TIME!!!  Be busy harvesting in the field beside Jesus and while you’re at it, keep your spiritual sword AT THE READY because YOU ARE TAKING GROUND, SOULS & PLUNDER FROM THE devil for the KINGDOM of HEAVEN ALONG THE WAY! 

Just a few scriptures that have been healing & helpful to keep our King in focus.

Gal 3:29  And if you belong to the Messiah, then you are Abraham’s descendants indeed, and heirs according to the promise. 

Whinners about worldly authorities do not “belong” to Christ, having withheld themselves from the Truth of His Sovereign rule (the benefits of His shed blood. Practically, they deny His sacrifice AND current reign). What “promise” does Galatians 3:29 refer to, for God’s faithful children? Well, “heirs of the blessings of the grace of life, and of the eternal inheritance; of the blessing of justification of life, and of everlasting salvation; of this world and of the world to come; of all the spiritual blessings of the covenant of grace, and of the incorruptible and undefiled inheritance of the saints in light; to which they are begotten through the abundant mercy of God, for which they are made meet by the grace of Christ; and to which they have a right by his justifying righteousness” (John Gill’s Exposition of the Entire Bible).

Promises like…

Deu 28:7  The LORD will cause your enemies who rise against you to be defeated before you. They shall come out against you one way and flee before you seven ways. 

Psa 125:3  For the scepter of wickedness shall not rest on the land allotted to the righteous…

Isa 54:14-15 In righteousness you’ll be established; you will be far from tyranny, for you won’t be afraid, and from terror, for it won’t come near you. Watch! If anyone does attack you, it will not be from me; whoever may attack you will fall because of you. 

Psa 149:4  For the LORD takes pleasure in his people; he adorns the humble with salvation. 
Psa 149:5  Let the godly exult in glory; let them sing for joy on their beds. 
Psa 149:6  Let the high praises of God be in their mouths and a double-edged sword in their hands,
 (can’t do this and whine at the same time!)
Psa 149:7  to execute vengeance on the nations and punishments on the peoples, 
Psa 149:8  to bind their kings with chains and their nobles with fetters of iron, 
Psa 149:9  to execute on them the judgment written! This is the glory of all his faithful people. Praise the LORD! 

Isa 51:7  Listen to me, you who know righteousness, you people who have my instruction in their hearts. Don’t fear the insults of mortals, and don’t be dismayed at their hateful words.
Isa 51:8  For moths will eat them up just like a garment, and worms will devour them like wool; but my deliverance will last forever, and my salvation to all generations. 
Isa 51:9  “Awake! Awake! Clothe yourself with strength, you arm of the LORD! Awake, as in days gone by, as in generations of long ago. Was it not you who split apart Rehob, who pierced that sea monster through? 
Isa 51:10  Was it not you who dried up the sea, the waters of the great deep, who made a road in the depths of the sea so that the redeemed could cross over?” 
Isa 51:11  “The scattered ones of the LORD will return, and they will enter Zion with singing. Everlasting joy will be upon their heads; they will attain joy and gladness, and sorrow and sighing will flee away. 
Isa 51:12  “I—yes, I—am the one who comforts you. Who are you, that you are so afraid of humans who will die, descendants of mere men, who have been made like grass? 
Isa 51:13  As a result, you have forgotten the LORD who made you, who stretched out the heavens and laid the earth’s foundations, and you live in constant fear every day because of the oppressor’s fury, since he’s ready to destroy. Now where is the oppressor’s fury? 
Isa 51:14  Distress will quickly be set free. He won’t die in the Pit, nor will he lack food.” 
Isa 51:15  “For I am the LORD your God, who churns up the sea, so that its waves roar, ‘The LORD of the Heavenly Armies is his name.’ 
Isa 51:16  I have put my words in your mouth and have covered you with the shadow of my hand, so that I could plant the heavens and lay the earth’s foundations, to say to Zion, ‘You are my people.’ 

Send prayer requests or love-offerings to

Bethesda (or, Totman)
P.O Box 25
La Veta, CO  81055

Or give online at:

Part of your harvest includes receiving a tax-benefit receipt
in January 2022 for your total 2021 giving through Bethesda.

Visit us and/or email us online at:
(order your book here!)

20-year Memorial of 9/11

“As fish are caught in a cruel net … so people are trapped by evil times that fall unexpectedly upon them.” Ecclesiastes 9:12    

Doesn’t God care that evil strikes so furiously and without anyone restraining it?

Think about the barbarianism that has plagued humanity for thousands of years.  Because of it, nations have risen and nations have fallen.  Have we outgrown barbaric behavior because we’re all so sophisticated now?  Beheadings on American soil since 9/11 (among other atrocities) prove that it’s a good idea for you to contemplate these weighty matters.

It was another ordinary, lovely morning that day, September 11, 2001, when I went to work at “New York Center” (ZNY, Air Route Traffic Control Center).  A shift worker, my Saturday overtime civil service promised another grand in the bank, that memorialized day which was a Tuesday for most of you.  By 9/11, I had socked away over 100-grand in my 401k, had my dream home, a youthful & lovely wife, beautiful children … and an array of very dark behaviors too.

I was helpless to stop the devastating blow; we had no control to turn away the evil time which had fallen upon the nation.  Within a week or two, Anne Graham Lotz said on TV that America had willingly turned God away, and that we therefore shouldn’t expect His hand (power) of protection as a nation [when evil does come].

As for me, I began having nightmares that night (before PTSD was “a thing”).  Within two years, I had lost my dream job, the 401k, the home, and my wife – we had divorce paperwork signed, sealed & paid-for, all but delivered.  I was suicidal, with a plan and looking for the right moment.

Like Ecc. 9:12, Jesus promised that storms would come to you and me in this life, “Everyone then who hears these words of mine and does them will be like a wise man who built his house on the rock. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house, but it did not fall, because it had been founded on the rock. And everyone who hears these words of mine and does not do them will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand. And the rain fell, and the floods came, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell, and great was the fall of it.” Matthew 7:24-27

By these Words, Jesus had tried to insulate me from the evil attack.  He wanted to make me stormproof but never found my interest or cooperation in the partnership for my well-being, before 9/11.  I had been in a one-way relationship with God, “You love me, and I will do whatever I want.  Thank You, Lord!”  While I hate that evil had to come for me to wake from my delusion, I am eternally grateful to God for preserving me through the great crash and for extracting me from the ash heap of my very best efforts.  I praise God for His mercy and His faithfulness in that He gave me the opportunity to repent – not everyone was so fortunate on 9/11.  We offer special honor to our friend, Rosa, a servant in the National Guard who lost her life trying to help.

In October 2003, during our misery, my wife and I individually accepted Jesus Christ as our Savior (not a joint decision, but how it unfolded).  There would be no suicide or divorce; instead, we found a new perspective and, with it, inspiration to rebuild together, “under God.”

People get ready!

“A God who is uncontainable, uncontrollable, and unpredictable is, well, scary to minds that crave control, uniformity, security and conventional ways of life.  The truth is that if those characteristics seem scary to human minds, then God is scary.  He is God – fully supernatural and all-powerful and all-knowing at all times and in all places, without apology or deference to our opinions” (“Experiencing His Presence,” by Tommy Tenney).

In light of His imminent return to judge the living and the dead with finality, Jesus taught us to “Occupy till I come” in a passage about how to manage one’s life and assets toward increase and not diminishing returns (Luke 19:11-27).  As He gave me/us a unique perspective through my experience on 9/11, so He has given us an individualized perspective regarding how to “occupy.” His Spirit of love drove out unhealthy fear and created in us a healthy reverence for Him, convincing us that we were no longer relying on the world’s shaky economy but that we had been qualified by our Heavenly Father to share in the inheritance of the saints, transferred out of the world’s hopeless demise (w/its dominion of darkness) and into the Kingdom of His beloved Son (Col. 1:12-14).  We learned that following Jesus – keeping in step with Him – meant that we were wiser than our enemies (Psa. 119:98). 

It’s time for you and me to present to God that which has been “…founded on the rock,” surrendering all that we have and all that we are to the flames of His supreme, loving control … 18 years of Jesus’ Life through us:

Plus, some healing testimonies via Pastor Gil (click to read).

Above you see record of Jesus building His Kingdom through our lives offered to Him, as sacrifices:  Foundational support to two orphanages, letter-writing campaigns to men in maximum security prison, feeding the homeless (spiritually & temporally), preaching the Gospel … and so on.

In our endeavors to “Occupy till I come” we have found Christ partnering with us, step by step!  To His credit, we have lost track of the souls saved.  We have also seen cancers healed, marriages / families saved, abundant finances provided for those we pray for, generational curses removed from homes, our own children experience God’s Presence & Activities (testifying to His grace) and wonder upon wonder upon wonder – routinely.  On the flip side, we have also regularly seen unspeakable hardness and cruelty in response to the offer of God’s help, Jesus, breaking our hearts in indescribable ways.  We always need His help to keep our eyes fixed on Him.

Some of the most powerful moves of God we have seen came as “harsh” messages were being delivered.

The year our missionary journey began, I ministered to a disaster-stricken crowd that was growing riotous after Hurricane Katrina (2005).  I didn’t know what else to do/say, except to rebuke them, “…We are a nation of whores, chasing our own unholy desires without restraint!  We are killing 3,000 to 4,000 innocent babies per day!  Do you think those who died in the storm were more wicked than the rest of us?!  No, but unless you repent, you too will perish!…”

Where do you go from there, trying to arrest a rowdy crowd with God’s love?  I simply looked up, toward heaven, and lifted my hands, beginning to pray aloud in front of everyone, “Father, we do praise You for being in control of all things, not even a sparrow falls to the ground apart from Your will.  We thank You that by Your control we are still alive today, so that we may seek you and learn of your Goodness.  Please, God, provide [our need now] …”  At that, I lowered my hands to learn that a miracle had taken place while I prayed.  Everyone present (at least a 100 people) witnessed the event, breaking down in tears and repentance, asking God’s forgiveness and receiving Salvation through faith in Jesus.  The amazing harvest of souls came after the most intense trial accompanied by a butt chewin’.

In early 2008, I was seeking God when I heard His Voice (John 10:27), “America has mistaken the grace given her.”

In October 2010, I was accosted by two spiritual beings, having been summoned to the Throne of the Almighty through a vision – it was terrifying!  The sins of America had risen to the highest heaven, permeating a place of purity with the foulest mocking, arrogance and disdain toward the only One who can save.  All I could do was hit the deck with my hands covering my ears, trying to shut out the horrifically unjust sounds, and exclaiming, “I’m sorry, Lord!  I’m sorry, Lord!  I’m sorry, Lord!”  Within two months, a church-plant in North Dakota was initiated when God opened a door for me, “If only they could hear about the Blood of the Lamb, they would repent,” my heart had responded to the dramatic encounter.

In November 2012, I saw (John 16:13) the nation split in two, with a great chasm in between, ushering in what some may call a technocracy.  It was presented to me as totalitarianism enacted upon each individual citizen in America.

In October 2013, I was sent to humbly chew out a crowd for mismanaging the wealth God had given them.  During the call to repentance, I said, “Let me share a little bit of Scripture with you, from Psalm 29.  The God of glory thunders, right now!”  As the words of emphasis “right now” crossed my lips, either lightning struck the building or thunder clapped immediately overhead, literally shaking the entire facility and shaking away unbelief from every soul within it.  God received the reverence He is due, that day.    

In 2016, during the time that Corridors in the Sky was published, I began experiencing a ferocious and relentless attack on my physical body.  This endured with growing difficulties through 2019, testing my mind severely and eventually tapering off but leaving me with what appears to be permanent physical damage.  Right about now, I feel like a Jonah, appearing to my audience maimed and beaten, with a fiery Word / command to repent “while you still can.”  The grace of God upon the words of Corridors in the Sky has helped countless people (already) to repent in their relationships, finances and habitual practices, drawing nearer to God and His plan for their lives.  “Thank You, Jesus.”

Psa 119:67 Before I was afflicted I went astray, but now I keep your word.
Psa 119:71 It is good for me that I was afflicted, that I might learn your statutes.

My Spring 2020 Update on this blog said, “…I saw a horse running, in the Spirit, in January (before corona left China, supposedly). When I sought the Lord I was utterly arrested by reading of the horses in Zech. 6 & Rev. 6, war out of the celestial realms … I’m thinking I saw the virus running unrestrained – like a strong horse.  It’s that, or straight-up war at hand…” In relation to that post, please consider, “…former president of the Association of American Physicians and Surgeons (AAPS) Dr. Lee Merrit explain her belief that America is currently facing what appears to be biological warfare…” via this video: click to view.


Our ministry’s donations were down a mere $300 over the entire difficult year of 2020, compared to donations in 2019.  Thank you for your faithful love expressed to God through our hands. We hear God saying that He created “the Church” for His own pleasure and that through its Head, Jesus Christ, the Church will flourish with stability and increase through the most difficult times.  We are seeing His ministry of compassion and evangelism function through our lives, locally, since moving to Colorado in 2019.  It’s past time to watch your mouths, Christians (Isaiah 39)!  Your social media posts are being weaponized to use against you – even pro-life views have been described by America’s government in the last 24 hours as “an extreme attack” on their agenda (with 62 million innocent babies killed so far).  They have declared war against those they view as “political extremists,” maybe even this internet post. 

Psa 10:8  He sits in ambush in the villages; in hiding places he murders the innocent. His eyes stealthily watch for the helpless;
Psa 10:10  The helpless are crushed, sink down, and fall by his might. 
Psa 10:11  He says in his heart, “God has forgotten, he has hidden his face, he will never see it.” 
Psa 10:12  Arise, O LORD; O God, lift up your hand; forget not the afflicted. 
Psa 10:13  Why does the wicked renounce God and say in his heart, “You will not call to account”? 
Psa 10:14  But you do see, for you note mischief and vexation, that you may take it into your hands; to you the helpless commits himself; you have been the helper of the fatherless. 
Psa 10:15  Break the arm of the wicked and evildoer; call his wickedness to account till you find none. 
Psa 10:16  The LORD is king forever and ever; the nations perish from his land. 
Psa 10:17  O LORD, you hear the desire of the afflicted; you will strengthen their heart; you will incline your ear 
Psa 10:18  to do justice to the fatherless and the oppressed, so that man who is of the earth may strike terror no more. 

Please don’t be afraid to speak up in the Name of Jesus; only, first ensure you are following Him in discharging your message and not your own heated will.  He is a Shield to those who seek Him, aspiring to abide with Him.

Our largest anticipated expense at the moment is replacing the furnace / heat in the church building in North Dakota (after spending $500 for maintenance last month), estimated at $6,000 to $7,000.  We hope to do this as soon as the thaw of Spring 2021 allows, as the Lord provides.  God has told us that in their misery, people will begin to earnestly seek His face.  People get ready!

As witnesses, we testify, God is well-able to bring beauty from ashes.

Heb 12:4  In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood.
Heb 12:5  And have you forgotten the exhortation that addresses you as sons? “My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor be weary when reproved by him. 
Heb 12:6  For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.” 
Heb 12:7  It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? 
Heb 12:8  If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. 
Heb 12:9  Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? 
Heb 12:10  For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness. 
Heb 12:11  For the moment all discipline seems painful rather than pleasant, but later it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.  

Heb 12:22  … you have come to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem, and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, 
Heb 12:23  and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, 
Heb 12:24  and to Jesus, the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel. 
Heb 12:25  See that you do not refuse him who is speaking. For if they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, much less will we escape if we reject him who warns from heaven. 
Heb 12:26  At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, “Yet once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens.” 
Heb 12:27  This phrase, “Yet once more,” indicates the removal of things that are shaken—that is, things that have been made—in order that the things that cannot be shaken may remain. 
Heb 12:28  Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, 
Heb 12:29  for our God is a consuming fire. 

Heb 10:19  Therefore, brothers, since we have confidence to enter the holy places by the blood of Jesus, 
Heb 10:20  by the new and living way that he opened for us through the curtain, that is, through his flesh,
Heb 10:21  and since we have a great priest over the house of God, 
Heb 10:22  let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, with our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water. 
Heb 10:23  Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for he who promised is faithful. 
Heb 10:24  And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 
Heb 10:25  not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near. 
Heb 10:26  For if we go on sinning deliberately after receiving the knowledge of the truth, there no longer remains a sacrifice for sins, 
Heb 10:27  but a fearful expectation of judgment, and a fury of fire that will consume the adversaries. 
Heb 10:28  Anyone who has set aside the law of Moses dies without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. 
Heb 10:29  How much worse punishment, do you think, will be deserved by the one who has trampled underfoot the Son of God, and has profaned the blood of the covenant by which he was sanctified, and has outraged the Spirit of grace? 
Heb 10:30  For we know him who said, “Vengeance is mine; I will repay.” And again, “The Lord will judge his people.” 
Heb 10:31  It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God. 
Heb 10:32  But recall the former days when, after you were enlightened, you endured a hard struggle with sufferings, 
Heb 10:33  sometimes being publicly exposed to reproach and affliction, and sometimes being partners with those so treated. 
Heb 10:34  For you had compassion on those in prison, and you joyfully accepted the plundering of your property, since you knew that you yourselves had a better possession and an abiding one. 
Heb 10:35  Therefore do not throw away your confidence, which has a great reward. 
Heb 10:36  For you have need of endurance, so that when you have done the will of God you may receive what is promised. 
Heb 10:37  For, “Yet a little while, and the coming one will come and will not delay; 
Heb 10:38  but my righteous one shall live by faith, and if he shrinks back, my soul has no pleasure in him.” 
Heb 10:39  But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who have faith and preserve their souls.   (red font mine for emphasis)

Ezr 8:22, “…The hand of our God is for good on all who seek him, and the power of his wrath is against all who forsake him.”

Send prayer requests or love-offerings to

Bethesda (or, Totman)
P.O Box 25
La Veta, CO  81055

Or give online at:

Part of your harvest includes receiving a tax-benefit receipt
in January 2022 for your total 2021 giving through Bethesda.

Visit us and/or email us online at:
(order your book here!)

The Day After

I’m so glad God is still leading justice to victory because I know His Victory is our Peace.

America, when you get what you’ve been clamoring for (for sooo long) you will be sorely disappointed.

“Our courts oppose the righteous, and justice is nowhere to be found. Truth stumbles in the streets, and honesty has been outlawed. Yes, truth is gone, and anyone who renounces evil is attacked. The LORD looked and was displeased to find that there was no justice. He was amazed to see that no one intervened to help the oppressed…” Isaiah 59:14-16.

“Yet even in those days,” declares the LORD, “I will not destroy you completely.” And when the people ask, ‘Why has the LORD our God done all this to us?’ you will tell them, ‘As you have forsaken Me and served foreign gods in your own land, so now you will serve foreigners in a land not your own.’” Jer. 5:18-19

And, Psalm 82:

We’re praying for people to develop a hunger for God … and I have been going through the 100s of sermons created during my time in the pulpit in North Dakota, creating a library so that people may find God’s Word through our labors. 

Click here for the current Spirit-filled message library, may Christ be exalted. 

Most recently, Jeremiah 42 has provided comfort.  In this chapter, the “good land” (analogous to elections free of fraud, for example) had been over run by enemies.  The people of God were afraid … and wanted to flee from oppression (where they were) to Egypt (slavery).  God instructed His people to stay put, promising His tender care would find them right where they were.  Sadly, like those who refused to submit to God in America over the last four years, the children of God made the *fatal mistake* of longing so desperately for another place that they completely disregarded God’s Word.  The rub is, God also promised them that if they fled to another land rather than learning to submit to Him right where they were … all the terrible things they thought they were fleeing from would meet them in the place to which they fled. 

Will you flee from oppression to slavery?  Or stay put, in the Lord, and enjoy the beautiful promises of good that are found in the chapter


Send prayer requests or love-offerings to

Bethesda (or, Totman)
P.O Box 25
La Veta, CO  81055

Or give online at:

Part of your harvest includes receiving a tax-benefit receipt
in January 2022 for your total 2021 giving through Bethesda.

Your 2021 “Word from God”

Looking for a “Word from God” for 2021?

May the Light of God scatter your every darkness, the blessing He promised to you through your faith in Jesus Christ (Due. 28:7 & Gal. 3:29)!

Dan 3:25, “…Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God!”

Take comfort, participant in God’s Kingdom, for the Prince of Peace still reigns today.

Isa 33:5-6, “The LORD is exalted, for He dwells on high; He will fill Zion with justice and righteousness, and He will be the stability of your times, an abundance of salvation, wisdom, and knowledge will be yours; the fear of the LORD is Zion’s treasure.” (or, “the fear of the LORD is the key to this treasure.” Both translations render true through the more colorful Hebrew text.)

Sooo many times, Susan and I have told our gentle Master, “We don’t want to go to the gym today, Lord. We’re tired of the workouts.” Frequently, His reply has been along the lines of, “If you could see the beautiful results of salvation that I see, on the other side of this workout (testing), you’d leap into action right now!”

Here we are folks, in the fire, like it or not. Still, we are free in-deed (pun intended)!

Isa 33:13 “Hear, you who are far off, what I have done; and you who are near, acknowledge My might.
Isa 33:14 The sinners in Zion are terrified; trembling grips the godless: ‘Who among us can live with the consuming fire? Who among us can live with everlasting flames?
Isa 33:15 The one who walks righteously and has spoken sincere words, who rejects gain from extortion (robbery) and waves his hand, rejecting bribes, who blocks his ears from hearing plots of murder and shuts his eyes against seeing evil—
Isa 33:16 this is the one who will live on the heights; his refuge will be a mountain fortress. His food will be supplied, and his water will be guaranteed.’
Isa 33:17 “Your eyes will see the King in his beauty and view a land that stretches afar.

Isa 33:19 No longer will you see those arrogant people, those people with their obscure speech you cannot comprehend…”

Through faith in Jesus, our Righteousness, we embrace verses 13 – 17 as our Portion. Through faith in the fire (God’s judgment), we rejoice in verse 19 too!

Can you “see” that seemingly distant place with us, that day when you do not hear their strange speech?! Instead, all together we shall praise God, the beautiful results of salvation!

Let us embrace the flames of God’s love, trusting Him who knows and promises to scatter every foe. May revival break out everywhere, to the praise of Him who is worthy.

Dan 3:17-18, “Your majesty, if it be His will, our God whom we serve can deliver us from the blazing fire furnace, and He will deliver us from you. But if not, rest assured, your majesty, that we won’t serve your gods, and we won’t worship the golden statue that you have set up.”

Different testimony, same tone:

Dan 6:22, “My God sent his angel and shut the lions’ mouths, and they have not harmed me, because I was found blameless before Him; and also before you, O king, I have done no wrong.”

Col 1:22-23 “[Christ suffered in your place] … to present you as holy, blameless, and without fault before Him. However, you must remain firmly established and steadfast in the faith, without being moved from the hope of the gospel…”

1 Cor 2:6, “…among the mature we do impart wisdom, although it is not a wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing.”

Isa 9:6 “For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.
Isa 9:7 Of the increase of His government and of peace there will be no end, on the throne of David and over His kingdom, to establish it and to uphold it with justice and with righteousness from this time forth and forevermore. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will do this.”

The Word of the LORD for 2021 is Isaiah 33, the whole relevant and living chapter. Do yourself a solid and jump wholeheartedly into it!

Send prayer requests or love-offerings to

Bethesda (or, Totman)
P.O Box 25
La Veta, CO  81055

Or give online at:

Part of your harvest includes receiving a tax-benefit receipt
in January 2022 for your total 2021 giving through Bethesda.

Expanding, thru the ‘storm’

“One of the women that came to receive food supplies talked to us before leaving, she was in tears because she hadn’t eaten any food for two days and we told her that the help came from kind-hearted people from USA. She insisted me to extend her HEARTFELT THANKS to you. She is a Hindu and she also stated that her faith in idols could not give any food to her but Jesus love helped her without any partiality. We are thankful to have you all in our lives!”  Our Pastor John, Gospel partner in IndiaReaching Out, India

With your help, we were able to supply nearly $3,000 to people that are not as fortunate as we are in America – people in Uganda, Kenya and India – all for the sake of the Gospel.

We are praying for you, for your protection, provision & progress every day.


Send prayer requests or love-offerings to

Bethesda / Totman
P.O Box 25
La Veta, CO  81055

Or give online at:

Part of your harvest includes receiving a tax-benefit receipt
in January 2021 for your total 2020 giving through Bethesda.

Spring 2020 Update

Three parts – Health, Coronavirus, Work  (revised, 3/20/2020)

I began experiencing a sort of stabilization last year (some would call it remission), after three years of surprise and repeated physical attacks that worked havoc in my body and has been trying my mind.  My quiet time with God in 2019 carried a huge theme of facing death, “The day of death is better than the day of birth…everyone should take this to heart” (Ecc. 7:1-6, as one example).  The repeated physical attacks tapered off through the last year, apparently culminating with chest pain and shortness of breath from January through November.  Now days, we’re doing all we have learned to do to keep me moving in physical stability.  When I overstep a boundary, and there are many of various types, I experience injury.  For instance, a half-cookie once a week or every other week is okay but too much and I endure days of terrible hangover-type suffering.  Go figure.  Love the boundaries, eh.

Every single day our surroundings minister God’s Mercy & Faithfulness to our deepest places through Jesus Christ.  Here’s my favorite winter picture, I think, from our front porch as winter fades and spring breaks forth:

front yard, 2-20-2020Greenhorn Mountain in distance, partially obscured by clouds.  See Bambi in foreground?
We began seeing American Bald Eagles in December and thrill at sight of them, every time.

We’re praying for your protected health and productivity, as flu and virus spread far and wide. I saw a horse running, in the Spirit, in January (before corona left China, supposedly). When I sought the Lord I was utterly arrested by reading of the horses in Zech. 6 & Rev. 6, war out of the celestial realms. Don’t know if this is the end of time…but Peter said, “The end of all things is near” (1 Pet. 4:7) so I don’t need a whole bunch of expounding or exegesis on the matter.  Jesus said that people can tell when it’s going to rain but He expressed frustration that so many had no idea what “day” they live within.  I commend Nehemiah 4 to you in this regard.

In 2004, I had a most alarming dream – the Bible (“The Word of God”) closed in front of my eyes, from back to front with a thunderous boom.  A voice then snapped me awake, “Jesus is coming!”  Startled, I reached over to Susan, waking her to tell her of the fervent Word.  She then quickly drifted off to sleep, experiencing the same urgent message in a dream as well.  We had each touched with Eternity (timelessness); it’s all “now,” unfolding before us.

R-i-g-h-t before the Arab Spring (2011), I saw them ALL crowded together with their arms lifted high, angry fists tightly clasped.  I heard, “The end is near and they do not know it.”

And now this, a horse on the loose, doing its thing.

When I think of “End Times,” I think of no movie’s assertion that is currently (or previously) on the market.  Instead, I think of passages like Peter wrote (1 Pet. 4:7) and I look around.  It’s not difficult for me to believe.  However, it surely gets out of balance with many-a-nut telling others of the “Biblical End Times.”  My heart’s been broken more than once, having seen children suffer because of their fruitcake parent’s whacky idea of “getting ready for when the End Times come.”

Right about now, I’m thinking I saw the virus running unrestrained – like a strong horse.  It’s that…or straight-up war at hand.  Just yesterday the various experts on the news channels (conservative and liberal alike) have been saying, “The horse is out of the barn!” (meaning there is no containing Coronavirus)

I’ve been hearing in the Spirit for numerous days, “Miracles happen when we fix our eyes on Jesus Christ.” It’s a lyric from a version of the Song, “Take Courage,” which asserts, “He’s in the waiting. Take courage, my heart. Be steadfast, my soul…” and it continues, “You will fulfill Your promise to me that I will rise in Your victory.” May His Spirit lift you thru breathing upon these words – in Jesus’ Name.

There are times when lotty-dotty-every-body suffers while God is working Redemption throughout all time and creation, Isaiah 24:2, “And it shall be, as with the people, so with the priest; as with the slave, so with his master; as with the maid, so with her mistress; as with the buyer, so with the seller; as with the lender, so with the borrower; as with the creditor, so with the debtor.” Eze. 21:1-7 is another example, in my estimation.

This doesn’t mean EVERYone will/must contract Coronavirus … but that everyone WILL be impacted.  Be comforted in the understanding that no virus or its complications will ever void God’s Word and the promises He has made to you, personally.  Your belief in what He has told you, Personally, catches others up in Him bringing the Promise to fruition (i.e., Genesis 15:1-6), if that means sparing them of Coronavirus to help bring His promise to pass in your life or whatever it takes.

Now is a GREAT TIME to share the Good News of unchanging, STABLE-love from God that’s available to all mankind through Jesus Christ.  The Word of God is the most secure security anyone could ask for!

“Do you not say, ‘There are yet four months, then comes the harvest?’ Look, I tell you, lift up your eyes, and see that the fields are ripe for harvest now!”  Jesus Christ (John 4:35)

(Written to a supporter in DEC 2019 & shared with you here, now)
Some current, private, overt and active ministries of our charity…Today is the church’s birthday in Michigan, ND!  Nine years ago today we began services in that town, one year after moving to ND.  You may recall that the church building was gifted to us on Bethesda’s 5th or 6th birthday…from people who weren’t aware of the date’s significance to us.

Our ministry still pays all of the bills of the church (heat, electric, insurance, water, city taxes [that aren’t exempt], etc.) and provides the pastor there a small monthly allotment for his discretion.  Since we left, he has done things like buy Gospel tracts with those monies to distribute among local streets, sharing the Gospel of Jesus and inviting others to the House of God.  The church in Michigan, ND, is also hosting a mid-week Bible study for the community.  Sometimes the offerings from this congregation cover all the church’s expenses and sometimes they don’t.

Just as you guys emailed us out of the blue when we e-met you, we continue to receive email prayer requests and questions.  We’re still receiving marriage crisis intervention requests (even more since our June 2019 publication which shared that a marriage had been saved, & family of 6!) and a variety of other inquiries regarding God’s Word or godly counsel via the internet.  Here, via private email, we continue to share God’s Word in God’s love.

The charity also serves our pastor in Africa with offerings from people in America.  100% of those designated offerings reach our pastor, with Bethesda bearing transfer fees.  He is a wonderfully devoted man of God, a missionary with magnificent fruit for the Kingdom, giving much glory to God.  Our pastor in Africa has a household of eight.

I remain in communication with the pastors of the orphanages where Bethesda’s support has been foundational since 2012, in Kenya & India.  The number of children has fluctuated over the years going as high as 200 souls.  Today, there is a total of about 95 people between the two orphanages, counting the pastors there and their live-in families.  I’m sometimes overwhelmed by their real-life stories of suffering and need.  I rarely share this largely private part of the ministry as I believe the needs would overwhelm and possibly put off some givers.  I always try to take the needs to Jesus for direction in how to respond.

Therefore, donations through Bethesda support FOUR missionaries, their families and their labor (the Totmans, Pastor Robert in Uganda, Pastor David in Kenya and Pastor John in India). I had such a joyous highlight last summer when one of the pastors relayed an urgent need for help and, to God’s credit, our ministry (yours and mine, under Christ) was able to make a direct deposit into his bank account within 12 minutes!  HalleluYah.

Bethesda provides temporal, moral and spiritual help to brothers of Jesus in maximum security prison who we also remain in contact with.  You’re likely aware that of the many men I met while physically attending Kairos meetings behind bars, we retained relationships with a few.  Been writing them ever since 2009, when we left FL.  There numbers have grown, PTL.  The state only provides them with certain medications and certain [horrible] foods.  Regarding finances, we’ve been helping them with better meds, better meals and boxes of love-gifts (on the holidays that the state permits).  We believe these men have just as much of a right in Christ to a peaceable and fulfilling life as you or I do.

I have 100s of sermons that were delivered in ND and I’ve been praying about completely reforming my book website or creating an altogether new website as a place where people can go for help, finding the sermons there categorized.  It seems to me that this would be in harmony with our mission, although “my flesh” largely loathes any old message I’ve delivered as I feel I’ve grown so much since they were recorded.  Nevertheless, it was a nearly 30-year-old video sermon from a televangelist that God used to help initiate our call and enthusiasm to leave ND.  Susan and I were AMAZED how timely and relevant and helpful that 1990 video message was to us in 2015!  The Word of God is timeless.

I just read the revised screen-write of Corridors in the Sky.  While I’ve been told by many that the book is inspirational, in my humble opinion the movie is even better than the book!  The screen-writer, a woman who recently turned 90 and also reports to a ministry board of directors, made some changes after visiting Hollywood to meet with producers in June 2019.  I don’t know what happened, exactly, with Clint Eastwood’s studio…as they told me personally that the script/movie was right up their wheelhouse.  I think it has something to do with unions.  Our screen-writer became a member of the Writer’s Guild specifically to do business with them.  Maybe it will still happen, but I know she’s also presenting it to other studios.  One studio told us that they were “very impressed” with the quality of work the script represents.

Catching you up in God’s timeless and all-powerful promises, through faith in Jesus Christ – Robert & Susan Totman

Gen 15:1  …a message came from the LORD to Abram in a vision: “Don’t be afraid, Abram. I am your shield; your reward will be very great.”
Gen 15:2  But Abram replied, “Lord GOD, what can you give me …?”

Gen 15:5  Then the LORD took him outside. “Look up at the sky and count the stars—if you can!” he said. “Your descendants will be that numerous.”
Gen 15:6  Abram believed the LORD, and it was credited to him as righteousness.

Psa 37:18  The LORD knows the day of the blameless (see Colossians 1:21-23; it’s YOU, because of Jesus), and their inheritance will last forever.
Psa 37:19  They will not experience shame in times of trouble; in times of famine they will have plenty.

Send prayer requests or love-offerings to

Bethesda / Totman
P.O Box 25
La Veta, CO  81055

Or give online at:

Part of your harvest includes receiving a tax-benefit receipt
in January 2021 for your total 2020 giving through Bethesda.

Goodbye teens, hello twenties!

Christmas Miracle!

The guy who began giving to our family earlier this year (as prompted by the Lord on Father’s Day) asked us at that time to pray for his 9-year-old son who was scheduled for surgery “in December.” He asked that we’d pray surgery wouldn’t be necessary. We did pray for the boy, earnestly (PTL), every day.

The dad told us last week that 2 pediatricians & the boy’s surgeon said a miracle has happened, that he couldn’t be cured without surgery, and yet he is free of affliction.  All praise be to Jesus Christ, the Light of the world – Matthew 5:16 & Merry Christmas!

(I’m not saying people can buy miracles.  I’m saying God’s desire is for “nutrients,” supernatural and otherwise, to flow freely within His creation, bettering everyone involved unto the glory of the Prince of Peace.  Ephesians 4:15-16.)

Goodbye teens, hello twenties!

While the last decade was difficult far beyond our own abilities, now we marvel at how the God of all comfort has positioned us to enter 2020 and beyond.

“For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers, of the affliction we experienced…For we were so burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. Indeed, we felt the sentence of death in our hearts. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. He delivered us from so great a death, and does deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again.”  2 Cor. 1:8-10

What were our difficulties, one may ask?  Following Jesus!  While His yoke is easy and His burden is light, He also leads His own (at times) straight into the enemy’s line of fire.  Wasn’t Jesus filled with the Spirit of God when He was led into extreme circumstances to face off with God’s enemy, the devil?  Yes, He was and the confrontation was necessary for Him to fulfill His purpose of rescuing you and me from the powers of darkness.  You know the story (Matthew 3:16 – 4:11), Jesus utterly relied on the Words of Father-God and came out on top, preparing a victorious place for you and me as well as setting an example for us regarding how to dwell above resistance and never beneath.

Likewise, your abiding in God’s Spirit thru faith in Jesus will eventually lead to rescuing others from the enemy’s power.  There’s no greater love than laying down your life for those people, especially when you’ve yet to meet them.  What could motivate you sufficiently for this?  We commend a vibrant relationship with Almighty God through prayer, daily reading of His Word and actions that are born out of the same.  An alignment will come in which you find yourself utterly upheld by God while He rescues others through you, glorifying the Savior of the world!

Look at the Eden (means “delight” or “pleasure”) where God has now set us so that we can tend the land, sharing His Word in His love with others.  Picture taken from a local news television tower; our home is within the red circle.

Our corner of earth! with our place circled, DEC 2 2019Deu. 23:5,  “…the LORD your God would not listen to Balaam (curses);
instead the LORD your God turned the curse into a blessing for you,
because the LORD your God loved you.”

Putting God’s Kingdom first – orphans, prisoners, missionaries, churches and other children of God have experienced for themselves “the God of all comfort” thru our Gospel partnership in December 2019 alone.  Because of the prayers and financial offerings YOU have been giving to God, all of the ministries detailed in our June 2019 Newsletter (post relocation update) continue to thrive in the love of God.  We praise Him for you in our prayers always, offering our heartfelt appreciation for your faithful devotion and sacrifices…and petitioning God every day for your continued progress, prosperity and generational flourishing.

Whew, the last decade was tough, but we are so thankful to God for rooting us in His Word through it all and bringing us to this specific entry point of 2020 and beyond, with you(!), as we realize that our individual and collective labor in the Lord is never in vain.  We look with great expectancy upon “our 20s,” calling on God to continue doing exceedingly more than we ask or imagine for His very own glory and pleasure.

Isa 9:6,  “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given: and the government shall be upon his shoulder: and his name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The mighty God, The everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.”

Isa 9:7,  “Of the increase of his government and peace there shall be no end, upon the throne of David, and upon his kingdom, to order it, and to establish it with judgment and with justice from henceforth even for ever. The zeal of the LORD of hosts will perform this.”

A Christmas post script:  Media of our orphanages in India & Nairobi.


Robert and Susan

Send prayer requests or love-offerings to

Bethesda / Totman
P.O Box 25
La Veta, CO  81055

Or give online at:

Part of your harvest includes receiving a tax-benefit receipt
in January 2020 for your total 2019 giving through Bethesda.

God’s grace, glorified

In a missionary letter dated June 3, 2019, I relayed our point of view regarding money and a vision of Pentecost within our steps. After writing the letter, that same day, a rainbow trout found its way to my front door when an eagle scooped it out of a nearby mountain lake and dropped it off within my reach (I thought it was a hawk but a local told me there are virtually no hawks here, that it was more likely a Brown Eagle, aka, Golden Eagle).

The Spirit of God was indeed poured out, as noted in our late-June Newsletter:

  • Someone contacted us last week stating they had a dream on Father’s Day which infused them with sharp conviction regarding our family and their giving. They said, beginning immediately and from now on, they would be sending monthly financial support to us specifically for our family (not ministry) use. And then they did!

The effect of this outpouring?  My Father in heaven stooped down to give me the honor of fathering my own children, His Way, by simply receiving this mercy in child-like faith.

After tithing, there’s just the right amount for our two oldest children to get “new” cars (gently used, actually).  Each of them plan to begin college when they are eligible for in-state tuition (Spring-ish 2020).

We are certainly still celebrating our new home!

Mark 10:29  Jesus said, “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel,
Mark 10:30  who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.
Mark 10:31  But many who are first will be last, and the last first.”

Send prayer requests or love-offerings to

Bethesda / Totman
P.O Box 25
La Veta, CO  81055

Or give online at:

Part of your harvest includes receiving a tax-benefit receipt
in January 2020 for your total 2019 giving through Bethesda.